


Dying to be Thin

by m0rt1s



Category: School of Rock (2003), School of Rock - Lloyd Webber/Slater/Fellowes
Genre: ADHD, Anxiety, Body Dysphoria, Dewey has ADHD, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Eating Disorders, Post-Movie, Self-Hatred, Starving, autistic!dewey, bros being bros, fatphobia, post-musical, touch averse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:34:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25039345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/m0rt1s/pseuds/m0rt1s
Summary: Dewey Finn loved food. That's why, when he stopped eating, everyone around him immediately noticed.
Comments: 7
Kudos: 36





	Dying to be Thin

**Author's Note:**

> noticed there weren't many dewey-centric fics out there, so i had to change that. expect more in the future!

Dewey Finn loved food. Sure, yeah, he played straight into the fat guy stereotype that everyone always assigned him, but he _loved_ food. Was that really a crime? He wasn’t usually very meek about this passion. When he ate out, he ate as much as he liked even if it drew stares. Even in this day and age, people could be so judgemental. But it never seemed to get him down. If anything, he was the happiest he’d ever been in his life. As a music coach, he worked the perfect hours (afternoon to evening, the only time of the day where he was truly active) and he got to work with the best of the best in the business.

He wasn’t hesitant to admit that those kids were much better than him. Sure, he could rock out with the best of them, but he wasn’t vain enough to think he was the best of the best. He heightened his own talent with his energy, something that he seemed to have plenty of. The kids thought it was funny the way he jumped and flailed about, but he didn’t mind their laughter. He knew that when they were together, working on songs, they were all just joking around. It was when fellow adults laughed that he truly became self-conscious.

Kids were great, especially his bunch. He felt like he could truly be himself around them, flaws and all. But the thing about them was that they had wisdom beyond their years. They were young, just going into 5th grade, but they were truly insightful little bastards. He couldn’t let anything slip past them. They knew that he hadn’t been feeling great these last few weeks, and Dewey laid anxiously in bed as he thought about it all. They’d been bugging him about it every day he saw them, and he was beginning to crack. The thought alone made his hands shake.

“Dewey! You getting up any time soon?”

The clock read 2:33. Shit. The kids would be at the studio in an hour. He hurriedly pushed himself off the bed, struggling to his feet too quickly. He fell to his knees with a loud _thunk._ There was a knock on his door.

“You alright, man?”

“Fine,” he called back. “Just startled.” He closed his eyes and counted to ten before standing back up. This time, he didn’t fall. He gathered up some clothes that were mostly clean _(note to self: do laundry)_ and headed out towards the bathroom. Ned stopped him in the hall.

“You sure you’re okay?”

He nodded, not meeting his roommate’s gaze as the taller man looked him over. Dewey was in nothing but his boxers, and even though the two were close and had even seen each other naked before, he couldn’t help but to be a little self-conscious.

“‘m fine,” he mumbled as he brushed past his friend. He didn’t mean to be so cold, but he was only half-awake and a little uncomfortable. Ned didn’t object as a bathroom door was slammed in his face, though he _was_ puzzled. Something had obviously been bothering his friend for nearly an entire month, but he just wasn’t ready to talk about it, it seemed.

Dewey stayed in the shower far longer than he ought to have, and when he finally got out and got dressed, it was 3:10. It wasn’t like his work was far (just downstairs, actually), but he didn’t have anything set up yet. He stood in front of his full-length mirror and adjusted his bowtie. He knew he didn’t have to dress fancy, and he usually didn’t, but he actually liked the sweater vests and bowtie combo from time to time. Made him feel handsome, even if the clothes looked tight around his middle. He grimaced and looked away.

Ned was still in the apartment when Dewey left his room. He was in the kitchen, pouring a cup of coffee.

“Thought you had work today?”

Ned turned and smiled that awkward smile. “Heh, yeah. Morning classes.” He offered Dewey the mug which the man gladly accepted. “I’ve got an after school tutoring program I gotta head to in a minute. You?”

Dewey felt better after a sip of coffee. “Yeah, I’ve gotta get down there. They’ll be here soon.”

There was a moment of awkward silence as they both struggled to find the words to say. Ned wanted to know what was going on but couldn’t find a good way to ask. Dewey just wanted everyone to stop worrying about him. He was fine.

“It’s kind of late for breakfast, but have you eaten lunch?”

The short man winced and moved a hand through his hair. “Eh, no time. I’ll eat when I get back.”

 _That_ was what worried Ned. Dewey never skipped meals (except maybe breakfast, which he would replace with brunch or a snack) but Ned couldn’t remember the last time he had seen his roommate eat. Dewey set his mug down on the counter, barely touched.

“I could make you a sandwich quick? Or I’m sure we have chips or--”

Dewey was already towards the door, though, grabbing his guitar on the way out. “Sorry, gotta go!”

Ned could only sigh as the other slammed the apartment door. He had sure left in a hurry. Whatever, he would make dinner tonight and make sure his friend ate.

Dewey nearly tripped down the stairs with how hurriedly he went, half-expecting his roommate to follow him. He clenched and unclenched his free hand, energy arriving all at once. He had forgotten to take his ADHD meds, but he was determined for this to be a good day. He just needed to stay focused.

He had just tidied the studio up from the previous day’s session when the kids started rolling in. He took a quick headcount as they all arrived. They barely had time for hello’s before diving into learning the new material. Zack had been working one-on-one with Dewey for a while, working on a new song, and today was the day they were going to teach it to everyone.

“So we have a G-chord here,” Dewey played the chord on his Les Paul, “but what if we tried this instead?” He played a different chord, and Zack mimicked him. They played the progression, and sure enough, it sounded wicken cool. Pencil in hand, the kid changed the chord on his sheet music.

“Mr. Finn?”

Dewey glanced up from the sheet music, grinning at Tomika, the star of the show. “Hey, we’re just about ready. Just going over some chord progressions first.”

Tomika still looked like she had something to say. The teacher frowned.

“What’s going on? Do we need to talk,” he lowered his voice, “one-on-one?”

She shook her head, fumbling with her hands. Before he could encourage her, she blurted out, “Are you okay?”

It was an odd question, and it caught him off guard. He knew that they could tell he hadn’t been doing great these last few weeks, but who’d’ve thought it’d be Tomika to finally question him.

“Y-yeah, I’m al-alright.” He was stumbling with his words, the way he always did when he lied. “What’s this about?”

“It’s just,” she looked back at the kids idly playing their instruments from the other room. They all looked away when Dewey glanced over. “It’s just, you’re, um… sitting down.”

He couldn’t help but chuckle at that. Yeah, he was usually bouncing around the room, _especially_ when learning new songs. But he’d had his ass glued to a stool since they arrived forty-five minutes ago. That so wasn’t him.

“Yeah, getting old sucks.” He was only 27, really. “I’m just a bit tired today.” Tomika looked more worried at that; Dewey Finn, tired? Impossible. His stomach growled lightly, and he flushed. “And a little hungry, I guess.”

“Well, I might have a snack in my bag--”

“No, it’s alright!” he cut her off, startling her. He didn’t mean to sound so panicked. “I’ll grab something in a bit. Now, why don’t we play this song before y’all leave?”

Everyone was ready to go in a matter of minutes. Lawrence on keyboard, Katie on bass, Freddy on drums, and Zack on guitar with the ever-talented backup singers behind them. Dewey took his position, shifting weight from each foot anxiously. Why did he feel anxious? He couldn’t explain it, but he felt like something bad was gonna happen. Still, he set the sheet music on the stand in front of him and counted them off. Soon, the whole room was filled with music, and he couldn’t have been prouder. Dewey closed his eyes and let himself be swept up in it all.

But when he opened his eyes, there was no music anymore. In fact, he wasn’t even standing up. When his eyes came into focus, he found himself starting straight up at the ceiling.

“Give him space, he’s waking up!”

He tried to use his elbows to push himself up, but he didn’t have the energy. His head and back hurt, but the pain in his stomach was the worst. He had been ignoring it for weeks, but now, it had intensified. He hissed and dug a hand into the side of his stomach.

“Mr. Finn? Mr. Finn? Are you okay.”

He waited for the pang to pass before looking at who spoke. With his vision still blurred, it was hard to make out their faces. “Wh-what happened?”

“I think you passed out,” another voice offered, and Dewey’s face went paler than it already was.

“Oh… shit.”

A hand was offered to him, and he hesitantly accepted. He was slowly pulled up to a sitting position on the floor.

“Is it your stomach?” Someone--Summer--was now kneeling in front of him. He knew better than to lie to her.

“Y-yeah, but--”

“Maybe it’s your appendix? My uncle had to get his out a long time ago,” Freddy stated matter-of-factly.

“It’s not his appendix. He doesn’t have a fever,” Lawrence offered. Dewey felt like he was at a doctor’s office. God, he hated those.

“Guys, I’m telling you, I’m fine. It’s… just a bug or somethin’.”

They didn’t buy it, but that made them shut up for a second. He fished his hand into his pocket only for it to come back empty. “Where’s my phone?”

Summer had it. Of course she did. He took it when she offered it to him, giving her a look.

“We only used it to call for help, I swear.”

Dewey had two questions in his mind that got caught in his mouth. He sputtered for a moment before correcting himself. “You called 911!? How’d you get into my phone?”

“Your password wasn’t hard to guess. It was just your birthday,” Zack mumbled. Dewey made a mental note to change the code.

“And we didn’t call 911,” Alicia added, “but maybe we should have…”

“No! No hospitals!” God, he sounded like a child. He had to calm down. “Who’d you call?”

“Mr. Schneebly. The real one, that is.”

Greaaaaat. Just fantastic. Now he was gonna get a lecture. He looked at his phone: 4:25. “Your parents will be here any second now,” Dewey shifted the conversation off of him, “so why don’t y’all pack up and I’ll see you next week.”

They didn’t look very satisfied with this. Having all their worried little eyes on him was embarrassing. “What? I’ll be okay. I just need some rest.”

There was a pause before he continued. “I’m… sorry I scared all of you. It won’t happen again.”

Tomika approached, and Dewey did his best to offer her a reassuring smile. He didn’t like lying to them. He thought he was gonna get hassled some more, but she just quietly said, “Can I hug you, Mr. Finn?”

He was glad she asked rather than just doing it; he hated when people touched him, especially without permission. He always made an exception with his students, though. He opened his arms in response, and she fell into them.

“Can I hug you too, Mr. Finn?”

He could sense a chain reaction starting. He opened his arms up wider. “Get in here, all of you. Group hug.”

In an instant, the kids had piled in all around him, hugging him and each other. He felt at peace with their arms around him, like he was meant to be there. They stayed like that for a hot minute.

“...Okay, everyone off! I can’t breathe!”

By the time parents started pulling in, Dewey had managed to climb onto a sofa. He waved each of his students goodbye as they headed out, all of them looking a little more relieved than they had earlier.

“Love you, Mr. Finn!” one of the children, Marta, had casually called over her shoulder. It made his heart twitch.

“Love you, too,” he called back with no hesitation, a genuine smile playing on his lips. He was lucky to be working with such great kids.

Summer was the only one left, and her parents had just pulled up. Before leaving, she turned to look pointedly at her music coach. Even she looked a little worried.

“You know, we like you for who you are.”

Any outsider would’ve thought that was an odd thing to say. But really, it just showed that Summer knew more than she was letting on. Dewey could only stare in surprise as she left, leaving him alone in the studio.

He didn’t have a moment to think it over as, as if on cue, his phone buzzed. It was, of course, Ned.

_Getting take-out from Danny’s. What do you want?_

Knowing he couldn’t just leave his friend on read, he typed back a quick response to just get him whatever. Maybe later he could find an excuse not to eat it.

The trip up the staircase was harder than the one going down. His head was still throbbing, and he still felt faint. He hardly made it inside before collapsing on the couch. His breathing grew heavy as the pangs in his stomach returned. He groaned and squeezed his arms around his middle, hoping that would relieve some of the ache. He caught a glimpse of himself in the reflection of the blank TV. Curled in on himself like a baby. His stomach bulged out under his shirt and sweater vest, even as he tried to push it in. His short sleeves clung tightly to his flabby upper arms, and his thunder thighs made his pants look like they were a size too small.

He could feel tears welling up in his eyes, not just from the pain. He had been holding in everything for so long that it had only been a matter of time before he cracked. He was just glad that didn’t happen in front of the kids.

He didn’t know how long he was there, but over his sobs, he could hear the apartment door swinging open and closed. Bags dropped on the ground and someone called his name. When Ned came into sight, Dewey immediately stuck his arms out like a baby. Ned didn’t hesitate, helping his roommate into a sitting position before wrapping his arms tightly around him.

They stayed like that for a while, Ned cradling the smaller man in his arms. He knew Dewey was an emotional guy, but he couldn’t remember the last time the guy had sobbed in front of him outside of watching sad movies or listening to sad rock songs.

When the sobs turned into sniffling, Ned moved away to grab his friend some tissues. Dewey blew his nose and rubbed the last remaining tears out of his irritated eyes.

“You… wanna talk about it?”

Dewey was too anxious to say anything just yet, so Ned continued.

“Have you been taking your meds?”

The bearded man shrugged, a movement that Ned took to be a “no.”

“It would certainly help if you did.” He paused, surveying the way Dewey’s arms wrapped around his stomach. “You haven’t been eating, have you.”

It wasn’t a question but rather, a statement. Dewey stumbled over his words. “Wh-what makes you-you say that?”

“Your students told me you passed out.” The music coach suddenly seemed very interested in his fingers. “That’s not healthy, man.”

Dewey offered little more than a soft, “I know…”

“When was the last time you ate something? A real meal?”

The only reason he didn’t respond right away was because he had to think about it. “Um… it’s been about a week, maybe?”

Ned slammed his hand down on the table, causing the other to wince. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Dewey immediately began to apologize frantically, and Ned’s heart broke.

“No, it’s okay, I just… I’m mad at myself. For not noticing.”

There was another long moment of silence, and Dewey hated the way his friend’s eyes bore into him.

“Why?”

No response.

“Do you… not like to eat?”

“No, I love food.” Well, that was a quick answer. “But I don’t…” A hand rested on his, relaxing him a little. “I don’t like myself.”

Well, there was the truth he’d been hiding all month. Or, actually, all his life. It had just started really bubbling up to the surface when he started fasting.

“Like… the way you look?”

“Yeah.”

“I didn’t know that stuff bothered you.”

“Of course it bothers me,” he finally matched Ned’s gaze, “I just… wanna be the cool guy, y’know? And the cool guy’s not supposed to let stuff like that get ‘em down.”

Ned moved to sit next to him on the couch, wrapping an arm around his roommate’s shoulder. Dewey leaned into his side. “Dewey, you’re literally the coolest guy I know.” The other was about to interrupt, but he didn’t give him a chance. “You’re a bona fide rockstar, and you get to teach what you know to a new generation. How cool is that?”

Dewey couldn’t help but grin. He took pride in what he did. “Yeah, I guess that is pretty cool…”

“And, y’know, looks don’t matter, but I think you’re handsome.”

“...Even if I’m fat?”

Ned frowned, struggling to put his thoughts to words. “You’re handsome _because_ you’re fat. It’s part of your charm. Meatloaf’s fat, and he’s hot, isn’t he?”

Dewey couldn’t argue with that logic. “You’re right. You’re always right.”

The blonde smiled. “I just hope that, one day, you’ll really see what I mean. And you’ll be comfortable in your own skin.”

The rockstar smiled up at his friend, but his stomach grumbled loudly, ruining the moment. “Please tell me you got me a burger.” Ned stood from the couch to go over and grab the abandoned bags.

“Sure did. Food might be a bit cold, but it’s still good. Wanna watch something?”

**Author's Note:**

> lmk what you think!!


End file.
